From here to WHERE!
by WondrousNight
Summary: When Dumbledore asks Hermione and Snape to go on a road trip across the United States to retrieve an artifact that will help him defeat the Death Eaters, no one knows what will happen, including the dingdongs sitting on the back seat.


From Here to WHERE!

Chapter 1: Do Somethin'

"Severus! So good to see you!" said Dumbledore turning to greet his surly guest.

"I wish I could say the same," said Snape. He sighed heavily. "What errand do you have for me this time? Another artifact to help in the Dark Lord's demise? Whoops, he's already dead."

"Sarcasm truly is your gift, Severus," said Dumbledore. "However, you should learn to use it for good, not evil."

Snape rolled his eyes. "What do you need?"

"Well," said Dumbledore, sitting down and indicating that Snape should do the same, "as I'm sure you're aware, though the Dark Lord has gone, his followers remain and are attempting to grow stronger."

"No, I'm not becoming a spy again. The last time I did that, everyone believed me to be a murderer."

"Don't worry, Severus, I don't need another spy. You see, there is a device that will allow us to locate all former Death Eaters and their current cronies. Something about detecting high levels of dark magic lingering around the spirit. I'm not quite sure, but this device would be quite helpful in our efforts to defeat the late Voldemort's former followers."

"And you would like met to retrieve this . . . artifact?" Snape said wearily, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Not alone, of course, I have arranged for someone to accompany you in your quest," said the Headmaster with a twinkle in his eye.

Snape sighed again. "Where is this object?"

"It had been traced to Copenhagen, but we believe that it had now been moved to North America. The United States to be more precise. Well, the state of Washington to be quite precise. Actually, a small town called Belfair. I visited once and it was quite pleasant."

"How do you expect us to get to this city? Are we to simply apparate into the middle of the village square?"

"Well, they don't really have a village square, Severus, as I said, it is a very small town, and there will be many people looking for you and as it will be quite dangerous, I would like you and Miss Granger to travel as much like muggles as possible."

Severus's head snapped up. "Miss Granger?"

At that moment, Dumbledore's office door banged open and a young woman appeared, carrying a suitcase.

"Well, Professor Dumbledore, when do we leave?" asked Hermione cheerfully, not seeing the grim Professor Snape.

"Oh, my dear, I'm afraid I won't be able to go with you. Rheumatism and all that. But Severus had kindly agreed to accompany you!" Dumbledore was beaming at Snape, who was glaring daggers at Hermione.

"What!" Hermione cried. "I have to drive across North America with SNAPE!"

"We're DRIVING!" Snape roared.

"Yes, yes, don't worry; I'm sure it will all work out lovely. Now, here's a parchment with all the information you will need for your mission. I wish you luck! Now, please, leave an old man in peace and quiet." Dumbledore finished shuffling them out the door and shut it in their faces.

"Well isn't this just bloody perfect? What am I going to do?" Snape mumbled, turning to Hermione.

"My suggestion is that we take this portkey to," she checked the parchment, "Buffalo, New York, and begin our mission. It really is important, you know."

Snape sneered. "I am well aware of how important this is, Miss Granger, I need not be reminded by a child."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "I am 22 years old, Professor Snape. Hardly a child."

"You will always be the bushy-haired, eleven-year-old know-it-all waving her hand irritatingly in my potions class," Snape said with anything but affection.

"And you will always be the snarky, greasy bastard bat-of-the-dungeons who took away house points doing exactly as you asked," Hermione replied in an equal tone. "Shall we get going?"

"Yes, please," said Snape.

* * *

"Isn't this exciting?" asked Hermione sarcastically. Snape glared at her. They were currently standing outside of Getcha There Auto Rentals where they were supposed to pick up an automobile reserved in Dumbledore's name.

"Well, no use putting this off," said Hermione. They marched determinedly into the pleasant office and spoke with the young man behind the counter.

"I believe we have an automobile reserved here under the name of Albus Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore," muttered Jason, the Customer Service Representative, as his nametag proudly proclaimed. "Ah, here it is. The car is right outside, here are the keys, everything is taken care of. Simply return it to our office in . . . " (Jason paused, checking his computer screen for the car's final destination) "Seattle when you arrive. Have a pleasant trip!"

Snape took the keys and led Hermione out of the store.

"Where is it?" he said in a low growl.

"Um, I think that's it," said Hermione, pointing to an appallingly yellow Volkswagen bug.

"You cannot be serious," said Snape, inserting the key into the door and praying that it wouldn't fit. Unfortunately for him, it did.

"Well, I've never driven a bug before, but it will be an experience," said Hermione as she cheerfully bounced into the driver's seat.

"I beg your pardon, Miss Granger, did you get the impression that I would allow you to drive?" Snape sneered.

"Oh, Professor, I'm so sorry, how silly of me. Of course you know exactly how to operate a muggle vehicle, especially one in a foreign country. How stupid could I be?" said Hermione.

Snape glared at her through narrowed eyes. "I will allow you to drive, for now. But I shall navigate."

"Of course," said Hermione, pulling her door closed and buckling her seat belt. Snape got in the passenger side. "All right," Hermione told him, handing him the map, "Professor Dumbledore marked out our route on the map, so all you have to do is follow the line that he's given us. It's 8:00 in the morning and we're not going to stop again for a while, so I suggest you pee now, if you have to. No, no peeing? Okay, good. In that case, we're off!"

Hermione started the car and backed out of the parking space. Then she stopped. "Almost forgot," she said, pulling a CD from her large bag and inserting it into the car's stereo.

Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide, sometimes I'm scared of you . . .

Hermione smiled and began singing along while Snape banged his head on the dash. "This is going to be a bloody long trip, if you ask me," he said.

"Professor," said Hermione, "you have no idea."

A/N: Well, not the best and quite OOC, but it's just for fun, so who cares? It's a way of coping after HBP. Anyway, challenge rules can be found on WIKTT. Hope you enjoy this small piece of reading-candy!


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